Do you ever feel like, while in bed and just before falling asleep, you’re missing something? Not a task, nothing work related, but like something’s missing at the very end of your day. One final love ya squeeze. Some self-affirmations. More time to think? Something…
I feel this way many nights and yet each time I can’t put my finger on what’s missing.
Until now. The “missing” moment is a moment of lower self love or rather a moment when some self love is needed most.
Right when it feels like you’re missing something – that final punctuation to the day – that’s when you should turn to the five love languages.
We know the five love languages as popularized by Gary Chapman: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time. We’ve even evolved from self-reflection by identifying our top love languages to asking others their love language so we can love them with greater intention.
What about ourselves? What I know is that we want to love ourselves. What I don’t know, though, is that we intentionally practice doing it. Using the love languages as a strategy to practice self-love is risk-free, clear and has very little mental barriers.
Since discovering the love languages in high school (OG Molly fans may remember my video on it – no, this video is no longer public), words of affirmation and quality time are the two I’ve claimed as my own. That’s fine for me that I think I have an affinity to those. In reality, we all feel love through all of them.
When leaning into the love languages, I encourage you to not always use one over another. I don’t want you to inadvertently close yourself off from the others. So quality time is your self love language and you carve out a large chunk of time. That’s great, but what if some words of affirmation could’ve done a better job?
So, have a brainstorm with me. What are ways to show yourself love in each of the five love languages? Make them things you actually or will actually do.
Quality time – Going for a walk. Taking an afternoon to yourself.
Words of affirmation – Listening to an affirming guided meditation. Writing in a gratitude journal. Practicing self-compassion.
Physical touch – Taking a bath. Lying under a weighted blanket. Wearing your favorite comfy clothes.
Gifts – Buying something you’ve had your eye on. Sending yourself flowers.
Acts of service – Making yourself a nice meal. Paying bills early or on time. Packing a lunch.
Please, don’t stop here! You should come up with examples in advance so that in a moment of low self-love or a moment of “missing something,” you can tune into what love you need. Also, there’s never a wrong answer. Isn’t that beautiful?
You are your best lover! Don’t forget to love yourself in abundance.
P.S. in case we haven’t met…
you seem normal is a mental health medium run by 24-year-old communication professional (hello!) who… well, seems normal. Turns out, my roommate is mental illness. Actually more like my unborn, and non-conceived baby. Because it’s like, inside of me. This is getting weird already. Topics of focus: self-awareness (we love it), mood, anger management, perfectionism, relationships & boundaries.