you forgot to love yourself in your own love language(s)

Do you ever feel like, while in bed and just before falling asleep, you’re missing something? Not a task, nothing work related, but like something’s missing at the very end of your day. One final love ya squeeze. Some self-affirmations. More time to think? Something…

I feel this way many nights and yet each time I can’t put my finger on what’s missing.

Until now. The “missing” moment is a moment of lower self love or rather a moment when some self love is needed most.

Right when it feels like you’re missing something – that final punctuation to the day – that’s when you should turn to the five love languages.

We know the five love languages as popularized by Gary Chapman: words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, gifts and quality time. We’ve even evolved from self-reflection by identifying our top love languages to asking others their love language so we can love them with greater intention.

What about ourselves? What I know is that we want to love ourselves. What I don’t know, though, is that we intentionally practice doing it. Using the love languages as a strategy to practice self-love is risk-free, clear and has very little mental barriers.

Since discovering the love languages in high school (OG Molly fans may remember my video on it – no, this video is no longer public), words of affirmation and quality time are the two I’ve claimed as my own. That’s fine for me that I think I have an affinity to those. In reality, we all feel love through all of them.

When leaning into the love languages, I encourage you to not always use one over another. I don’t want you to inadvertently close yourself off from the others. So quality time is your self love language and you carve out a large chunk of time. That’s great, but what if some words of affirmation could’ve done a better job?

So, have a brainstorm with me. What are ways to show yourself love in each of the five love languages? Make them things you actually or will actually do.

Quality time – Going for a walk. Taking an afternoon to yourself.

Words of affirmation – Listening to an affirming guided meditation. Writing in a gratitude journal. Practicing self-compassion.

Physical touch – Taking a bath. Lying under a weighted blanket. Wearing your favorite comfy clothes.

Gifts – Buying something you’ve had your eye on. Sending yourself flowers.

Acts of service – Making yourself a nice meal. Paying bills early or on time. Packing a lunch.

Please, don’t stop here! You should come up with examples in advance so that in a moment of low self-love or a moment of “missing something,” you can tune into what love you need. Also, there’s never a wrong answer. Isn’t that beautiful?

You are your best lover! Don’t forget to love yourself in abundance.

P.S. in case we haven’t met…

you seem normal is a mental health medium run by 24-year-old communication professional (hello!) who… well, seems normal.  Turns out, my roommate is mental illness. Actually more like my unborn, and non-conceived baby. Because it’s like, inside of me. This is getting weird already. Topics of focus: self-awareness (we love it), mood, anger management, perfectionism, relationships & boundaries.

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