stop saying my feelings are valid

“Whenever you’re feeling down, just know that so many people have it worse than you.”

“Your feelings, no matter how big or small, are valid. All feelings are valid. Speak your truth.”

PHEW, am I right?!?!? Which IS IT? Can I care about my botched Starbucks order or not? How about I lost my job but am college educated and am housed – Am I allowed to feel bad about myself?

Lately the mental health community has been preaching that all feelings are valid, that mine are just as valid as yours.

The truth this – I don’t want to be validated! I want to be told to shut the fuck up and quit acting like a baby. To stop wallowing in my feelings when it only ever makes me feel worse.

I want to make space (??) for my feelings but I also want to remember that they’re temporary and only mean the meaning that we give them.

As part of the mental health social media community, let me be the first (?) to counter this “all feelings are valid” rhetoric! Yes, many feelings are valid. In most cases maybe, feelings are valid and authentic. And sometimes it makes us feel better to soothe ourselves and say it’s okay to feel this way.

OTHER TIMES THOUGH I need to remind myself that some people have bigger problems. Some people have real problems. As in, problems I could never dream up. Problems that put my problem into perspective.

This, while being poo-pooed on by Mental Health Social Media, is actually a coping mechanism of mine. It’s a paradigm shift, mid-wallow.

While some may see this stance as not empathetic or not compassionate, even to our selves, it actually helps me put my problem and my little life in perspective. It gives me perspective to say wait, this actually isn’t a whole big thing. In fact, I’m making it this way. SOME PEOPLE HAVE REAL PROBLEMS.

I use this reasoning to tell myself to stop being a BIG BABY about what someone said in an email. Because sometimes I need that.

And hey, if you’re in the “all feelings are valid” camp, don’t knock this til you try it.

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